Let’s just all GET REAL
I had a client who called me after he attended a session and read one of my books. He said “Lisa it’s so refreshing that you’re not perfect and I don’t feel like I’m being judged”.
The truth is that we all look outside at the world through our uniquely tinted glasses and think everyone else is coping and happy and perfect meanwhile the truth is that everybody feels pain. Everyone feels challenged. Everyone is trying to figure out their own little world. The reason that we don’t see it is because no one says what’s really going on underneath the surface. So we end up like little particles bouncing off of each other and causing continuous reactions.
Ironically almost all of us feel the same. We’re all secretly afraid of not being good enough which is only indicative of the deeper fear we have which is that we’re actually not worthy of love which translates into a myriad of neurosis and defence mechanisms so that we never actually have to confront even thinking such a thing. I call it playing ‘small’. We spend our lives playing small by worrying, defending ourselves, trying to seize control…in a million different ways whether it’s with food, in relationships, at work or just with regards to our bodies.
I often ask clients how they perceive me and am amused by the fact that some clients think I live in a perfect world where I’m filled with an ongoing peace and love for myself and humanity. It’s certainly not the case; I feel vulnerable and exposed when life doesn’t go my way or in close relationships. I find myself trying to run away from things.
The truth is the only difference is awareness. I’m aware of how I feel and think in these situations and know there’s no point trying to hide it. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel fear and it doesn’t mean the little voice of “But I’ll never be loved” doesn’t sign its sad tale to me. These days I just acknowledge them, wave and say hi and tell them it’s okay.
I’ve learnt that the more REAL I am with myself and others the better it is for everyone. I’m also learning that the love we so desperately seek and crave is the love of self; I don’t mean in an arrogant way but in a soft and gentle way that says “It’s okay if you’re angry. I still love you”. ”It’s okay for you to feel hurt”
In this way I don’t have to keep up pretences of inner peace and total okayness. I think it’s a little unsustainable anyway but I reckon that true peace comes from being real; saying how you feel, being with yourself even when you don’t feel okay and from speaking your heart’s innermost desires and feelings. In this way I’ve found I have to spend less energy trying to fight the world and protect myself.
So next time you’re fighting with a colleague, feeling frustrated with someone who keeps hiding, having problems with a friend or just feeling frustrated because life just isn’t going your way, remember that in all likelihood others feel challenged too but are too afraid to GET REAL with you. Know too that you’re okay and others only harm you when you hold your sense of okayness in their hands. (And because so many of us need validation by others - we keep getting hurt).
I recently started a 30 day challenge to love yourself (and myself) just as you (I) am and today’s challenge is “allow yourself to just feel how you feel today without fixing it”. So in the spirit of that GET REAL, be kind to yourself and just be as you are. Why? Because you’re okay! You’re MORE than okay!
Love Lisa
Lisa is the founder of Life Inc and author a books including “Get Real - stepping into the truth of your life”. She’s had a few interesting turns which means she’s just getting a little more used to ‘turning’:-)
